Current:Home > StocksPsychopaths are everywhere. Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags. -ValueMetric
Psychopaths are everywhere. Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
View
Date:2025-04-25 08:48:32
Psychopaths aren't just found in prisons, true-crime documentaries or horror films; some walk among us.
In fact, you probably know one.
"Everybody knows somebody with psychopathy," Abigail Marsh, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Georgetown University and the co-founder of Psychopathy Is, an organization dedicated to alleviating suffering caused by psychopathy, says. "You might think that this issue doesn't relate to you, but it does. You definitely know least one person who has psychopathy."
Psychopaths don't experience empathy, guilt or remorse; as a result, they have no problem hurting or exploiting others to get what they want. They make great serial killers and CEOs − and they can be very attractive when it comes to dating, Judy Ho, a clinical and forensic neuropsychologist, says.
"Some of the psychopath tactics for how to get close to people and gain their trust, it can feel very alluring in the beginning," Ho says, adding that about 1-3% of the general population, as well as 6-8% of leaders and executives, are psychopaths. "You finally find somebody who really understands you and cares about you, and so it's just easy to put the blinders on and ignore the signs that it's not going well and that there's something maybe sinister underneath."
What is psychopathy?
Psychopath is a colloquial term used to describe someone with traits of anti-social personality disorder.
Traits of psychopathy include impulsiveness, boldness and a "dominant, fearless personality," Marsh says, but "meanness is really the heart of psychopathy" as well as "a callous and uncaring attitude about other people's welfare."
Both social and genetic factors can push someone to anti-social behavior, and many psychopaths come from loving homes, Marsh says.
Ho says psychopathy is a spectrum and that psychopaths can be talented at "moving a company or an organization forward."
"When you get into the more severe aspects of the spectrum, then we're looking at things like a lack of empathy, using people as pawns for their goals without care for their feelings or what they want, some narcissistic qualities that are very self-centered, being upset whenever they feel like somebody is arguing with them or criticizing them in any way, even if it's constructive and well-meaning," Ho says.
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
To a psychopath, the only thing that matters is getting what they want − and they don't care who they hurt or wrong in the process.
Though psychopaths don't care about others, they can still be motivated to date if doing so will help them achieve a desired end. For instance, a psychopath might seek out a relationship in order to financially exploit someone, distract from other nefarious activities or simply to have sex.
"You actually see this with serial killers, mass murderers − they seemingly have normal lives," Ho says. "A lot of them actually were married and had children, for example, and actually kept up with some semblance of employment so that the community wouldn't necessarily suspect them."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Like narcissists, many psychopaths seek admiration; however, while narcissists do this to feed their egos, psychopaths view admiration as a tool to help them get what they want, Marsh says. Many psychopaths also truly believe they can outsmart everyone else, though Ho says it's a myth psychopaths are more intelligent than the general population.
"Everything is instrumental," Marsh says. "Everything is about just achieving a goal, and so they want admiration and status and esteem because it's useful. Getting those things will help you get what you want."
Narcissists have a type.Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
Are you dating a psychopath? Here's how to tell:
Psychopaths are hard to spot, and usually their manipulation can only be clocked when it's done unskillfully, Marsh says. Here are the red flags to watch for in case your date is a psychopath.
- They love bomb strategically: "It's not just love bombing for the sake of love bombing," Ho says. "They tend to get more specific. They'll find something that's really personal to you and then essentially look like they're making it their life's goal to make that part of your life better for you."
- They seem overly generous: Gifts from a psychopaths often have strings attached. "They might be trying to manipulate you by giving you all the things they think you want, and then now you'll feel like you're in their debt," Marsh says.
- They keep the focus on you: Unlike narcissists who need the spotlight, "psychopaths talk about you on the first date, but it's all very strategic," Ho says. "It's trying to get information, know where your weaknesses are, know where you're hurting so that they can actually utilize that to bring you closer to them."
- They want you isolated: "As you start to trust them more, they start to gradually distance you from the rest of your life," Ho says.
- They crave control: "At first they'll say, 'Let me just have you turn on your location on your phone, so that I can make sure you get home safe from work.' But then after that, it's like, 'Well, let's just have your location on all the time,' " Ho says.
- They disappear without a trace: Psychopaths have difficulty keeping long-term commitments, like jobs or relationships, Ho says. Be on the lookout if your date has a spotty work history or other inconsistencies in their background. "They kind of jump from job to job and relationship to relationship, and then, whenever somebody doesn't give them what they want, then they kind of just move on," Ho says. "When things don't go their way, they disappear, so you never really get a chance to actually see them really at their complete worst."
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
veryGood! (78)
Related
- 'Kraven the Hunter' spoilers! Let's dig into that twisty ending, supervillain reveal
- Opinion: Nick Saban asked important college football question, and Vanderbilt offers a loud answer
- Inside Daisy Kelliher and Gary King's Tense BDSY Reunion—And Where They Stand Today
- A look at Trump’s return to Pennsylvania in photos
- Breaking debut in Olympics raises question: Are breakers artists or athletes?
- Off the Grid: Sally breaks down USA TODAY's crossword puzzle, Cross My Heart (Freestyle)
- Harris talks abortion and more on ‘Call Her Daddy’ podcast as Democratic ticket steps up interviews
- Alabama's flop at Vanderbilt leads college football Misery Index after Week 6
- Sonya Massey's father decries possible release of former deputy charged with her death
- The Garth Brooks news is a big disappointment − and an important reminder
Ranking
- USA men's volleyball mourns chance at gold after losing 5-set thriller, will go for bronze
- Anti-Israel protesters pitch encampment outside Jewish Democrat’s Ohio home
- NFL games today: Start time, TV info for Sunday's Week 5 matchups
- Connecticut Sun force winner-take-all Game 5 with win over Minnesota Lynx
- The 'Rebel Ridge' trailer is here: Get an exclusive first look at Netflix movie
- Early morning crash of 2 cars on Ohio road kills 5, leaves 1 with life-threatening injuries
- Chrissy Teigen Reveals White Castle Lower Back Tattoo
- US court to review civil rights lawsuit alleging environmental racism in a Louisiana parish
Recommendation
Small twin
Jill Duggar Shares Behind-the-Scenes Look at Brother Jason Duggar’s Wedding
'Joker: Folie à Deux' underwhelms at the box office, receives weak audience scores
Minnesota ranger dies during water rescue at Voyageurs National Park
How effective is the Hyundai, Kia anti-theft software? New study offers insights.
Milton to become a major hurricane Monday as it heads for Florida | The Excerpt
Madonna Speaks Out About Brother Christopher Ciccone's Death After Years of Feuding
Week 6 college football grades: Temple's tough turnover, Vanderbilt celebration lead way